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Mom's Connection is a group of New Moms (children under the age of three) and Mentor Moms who get together the First Friday of every month to build relationships, get encouragement and share our collective "mom" wisdom. Moms submit questions and our panel of "Mentor Moms" (see their photos and info at the left)- Jimi Meyers, Beverly Majors, Theresa Grebil, and myself, Becky Love - give our best shot at answering them. If you have a question you would like answered, email me at, becky@bridgepointchurch.com and I will run it by our panel and post it here, as well as email the answer directly to you. We don't post any names of those who ask questions, so you can feel comfortable asking about anything without worrying what others might think.
We mee the First Friday of each month at 10 AM.
Q & A from Feb. 6 Meeting
Q: What kind of adult food can I feed a 10 month old?A: Obviously, you should first check with your pediatrician and see what they recommend. But, once your baby has already been introduced to all of her fruits, vegetables, grains and meats and is tolerating them well in baby food, you can transition to foods you prepare for you family.
One of the most valuable pieces of equipment I had was a baby food grinder/mill. They are very inexpensive and are surprisingly effective. I just carried one with me wherever I went so I didn’t have to carry jars of baby food. I could put whatever my family was eating from soups to casseroles – pretty much anything – in that and grind it up – instant baby food. It has texture, about like ground meat, but is still “doable” for a baby that doesn’t have all their teeth. My doctor recommended using this instead of baby food for my older baby because he said that way the baby would become accustomed to the flavors of the way you cook. Sometimes babies that are on baby food longer don’t like spices or other flavors that your family eats, which can make transitioning harder and can make a picky eater.
I would be cautious about very spicy food – like spaghetti – maybe making sure there is mostly noodles and very little sauce to begin with. I did not introduce my babies to meats until they were over a year because some babies lack the stomach enzymes to digest them properly until they are older. One of my children could not eat meat until they were over 2. But, if your baby is already eating meat and tolerating it well, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Q: How do you get your baby to drink cow’s milk? We’ve tried flavor and warm milk and cold.
A: One suggestion we had last time was to try adding a little sugar because breast milk is sweeter than cow’s milk and that might held. It sounds like you have already tried that. Another suggestion is to try soy milk. It has all the nutrition of cow’s milk, but again is sweeter. The main thing is that your child is getting the proper nutrition. She needs the protein, calcium, fats and vitamins that milk provides, however, other foods can provide these as well. Does she like yogurt, cheese or pudding? These contain milk and provide many of the nutritional benefits. Talk to your doctor about what foods and in what amounts, a baby your child’s age needs, then see if you can’t provide those same nutrients in other forms.
Q: How do you help ease the worries of the possibility of having a child with disabilities in my mind and my husband’s?
A: I doubt there is a mother out there who has not experienced this fear at some point in her pregnancy. For some of us the fear is not imaginary, but based on very real possibilities. Fear is a powerful tool of the enemy to torment us. It is effective, because it can torment us even without coming true. Think of the hours you wasted in agony fearing things that never came to pass. It robs us of the ability to enjoy the “now”, because we are so afraid of the “then”. The Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow because “sufficient to the day is the evil thereof” – in other words, there is enough to deal with today without weighing our hearts and minds down with what may happen tomorrow.
The Bible also tells us, “perfect love casts out fear”, and that God “has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.” When we are fully convinced that God loves us and that He is working good in our lives, and that He loves our children and has good plans for them, we are able to “rest” in His plans for us. Jimi, who has a special needs child, shared that although she might not have chosen her son to have the disabilities that he has, she would not trade him or change him for the world.
In my experience, the only “cure” for this fear is having the faith to throw yourself and your child completely on the grace and mercy of the Lord. It is perfectly “OK” to pray, “Father, let this cup pass from me”, but we must also pray, “nevertheless, not my will, but Your will be done.” God has plans for your child – a purpose, and the world will need that child to be exactly what God has planned for them to be. God promises us, “I know the thoughts I have for you – thoughts to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future.” When we take Him at His word and rest in that, we will have peace and will be able to fully accept our children exactly as they are – and not how we might wish them to be. Begin now to pray for your child, and talk to him/her, even now in your womb. Assure your baby that you love them and accept them exactly as they are and can’t wait to meet them. The best thing you can do for your baby’s health right now is to give them a mother whose heart is as rest and whose mind is at peace.
Q: How do you potty train a little boy? (This is a repeat question from last time, but it came up again, so I am reprinting it)
A: Becky answered: “For any child the most important factor in potty training is in doing it at the right time. Do it when THEY are ready. Trying to potty train a child too early can lead to unnecessarily stress for everyone. My doctor told me that some children’s bladders are not mature enough to be able to be trained before the age of 2, so I set that as the target and did not attempt it before then. Some children are ready before that, and they will let you know if they are. But, when you have determined it is time to start, make sure you clear your schedule as much as possible so you have the time for both of you to focus on the task. Pretty much, potty training kids is a lot like house training a puppy. They need to go when they first wake up, after active playing, after eating or drinking, or about every couple of hours if they haven’t gone. Don’t make them sit there until they go, but do have them sit on the toilet at these times and encourage them to go. If they don’t go within three or four minutes, then just try again later. Bring the little boy to the potty and explain to him what you want him to do. I know one mom who made it a game and put little flushable shapes in the toilet and asked the boy to see if he could “hit” the targets. Boys love a challenge! I started my little boy sitting down (most moms do), and had him “tuck” in before going. My little boy was very excited about not having to wear a diaper any more – he hated them – so I explained that if he could learn to do this, no more diapers! I took him to the store and let him pick out some cool underwear. To get him started the first time (I also did this with my girls), I sat him on the toilet (all tucked in) and poured a little warm water in his lap. That usually does the trick and they “go”. Then I rewarded him and made a big deal about how proud and impressed I was. Then it is just a matter of being consistent – and not making too big a deal out of mistakes. But, if the child consistently has accidents, then you might look to see if: 1) they are just not ready. 2) your schedule is too busy and you need to scale back 3) check with the doctor and make sure there is no medical reason for it.
Q: What are some methods to stop biting during nursing?
A: Biting usually seems to happen when the baby is full and for some reason, instead of just releasing the nipple, he will bit it. Also, some babies will bit when they are just not interested in nursing – either they aren’t hungry right then, or they may be ready to be weaned. Watch your baby closely and try taking him off the breast a little sooner than normal and see if that doesn’t prevent the biting. Or you might try nursing less often and waiting longer between nursing sessions. A hungry baby will rarely bite, so biting is usually a sign the baby is just not hungry.
Q: Suggestions for whining, demanding and not sharing – or saying “please” and “thank you”?
A: Consistency is the most important tool when it comes to discipline. Make up your mind beforehand how you will handle various situations, and stick with it. Realize that any discipline and training take time. You must be willing to invest the time it will take to be effective. If you are always “trying” different things, looking for something that will “work” first time and every time, you will not be effective. Beverly stresses, “reward behavior you want to see repeated, and do not reward behavior you do not want repeated.” For many children, attention is reward in itself. Caving in is ALWAYS a reward. Children, like all of us, do what “works”. If you respond to whining and demanding, you ensure it will be repeated. Explain to the child that whining and demanding are not “OK” and that you can’t hear them when they talk that way. Explain exactly what you want them to do. Make sure they understand the difference between whining and asking correctly. Once you are certain the child knows what is expected, no longer respond to their whining.
One mother made a very good point on this. She pointed out that from the time the baby is born until now, her principle form of communication has been… whining. A baby can’t talk, so it cries when it needs something, and mom always responds. So it will take awhile, and is part of the maturing process to learn to use words instead of whining. Be patient. They are learning a whole new level of communication, and they will learn it if you remain consistent.
Also, it is SO IMPORTANT for you to model the kind of behavior and communication you want from your child. Don’t insist the child say “please and thank you” if you don’t. You have to consistently model the kind of manners you want your child to have. Most of training is “caught” not “taught”. As a parent, it is our job to do both. If you don’t want your child to scream – then you can’t scream that them either!
Q: How do I teach my child not to scream in public, and how do I teach my baby (13 mo) to come when I call her?
A: Screaming, or any tantrum, again takes consistency. You might read last month’s Q&A as we covered this pretty thoroughly. But it goes back to what we talked about above, “only reward behavior you want to see repeated”. Babies often scream out of frustration, and because they don’t have any other “tools” at hand. Some of it takes patience on your part as you begin to train them and give them other tools. It may be that you need to avoid taking the baby into situations that cause that level of frustration for awhile.
As far as coming when you call – too often we think in terms of “discipline” rather than “training”. If you want to train a puppy to come when you call, you do don’t just wait until you are in a situation where it is imperative that the puppy come. You set aside time daily to work with the puppy so that it learns to respond to your voice calling its name, and the command to “come”. You reward it and praise it. You make it fun, like a game, and soon the puppy has learned to obey the command “come” immediately and every time. Why not take the same time and care in training your child? Make it a game. Make it fun and rewarding. Help the child learn that to “come” when mom calls will always be in her best interest. Invest time in training your child.
